Identify Poison, Administer Anti-Venom

Where do I start?

I don't write as much, I know. It's because I don't have a laptop. But soon, my dear little loves. Soon.

Let's get some things out of the way.

I'm fired up about this SeaWorld thing. Keeping orcas (and any other animal, really) in captivity the way they do is immoral and there is no justification for it. I was a diver there, I've been behind the scenes, and I know what really goes on, so let's not debate this, OK? Yes, this where you realize that if anyone transcends the animal rights vs. SeaWorld gap, it's me.

Moving on.

I'm steadily removing toxins from my life. From a dietary perspective, I've never understood how folks can learn about what this chemical or that preservative does to one's body yet lack the discipline and self-respect to abstain from that which is harmful. Soda is a perfect example. Now, I love Coca-Cola. LOVE it. But when I learned that soda, without the phosphoric acid, would be so sweet that you would vomit, and that without the corn syrup, it would be so acidic that it would burn, well...

Fuck Coke.

I just don't want to drink sugar & acid. Pious Christians point to my tattoos with an especially irritating reminder that "the body is a temple." Turns out I agree with them, but, like Christ (I know, I'm so Christ-like, right?), I'm more concerned with what's on the inside. And what I don't want is a year's supply of sugar mixed with an acid that can remove corrosion from my car battery in a convenient 12 oz. can.

Why would anyone? Brilliant marketing and deeply embedded sentimentality, I reckon. Oh, and ... it tastes good. And that's a pretty good logo. Oh, and the way it bites when it goes down ... Mmm... Get behind thee, Satan.

For the most part, this has been easy for me, even with things I have a special fondness for. Gelatin in Orbit? Gone. Fish bladder in Guinness? Gone (and that was my favorite beer). Hydrogenated oils in Peter Pan peanut butter? Hello, Skippy Natural. Pesticides on non-organic apples? I'll pay the extra dollar.

Meat and eggs and cheese were all easy for me to give up (the idea of consuming them has since become repulsive), but I've misplaced my soapbox for the evening, so relax.

What challenged me this week was when I attended a lecture by Dr. Gregor.

Dr. Gregor gave an incredibly entertaining and informative talk, and I encourage all 3 of you that read this to find his lecture on YouTube or even order a DVD from him.

Dr. Gregor came with some good news: Garlic is really, really good for you. I love garlic! But you've got to let it sit out for at least 20 minutes after you mince ... OK ... noted ... thanks, Doc. Fatty dressings are better than oil-based dressings and help you absorb the nutrients. Interesting!

Your cat helps keep cancer at bay. What? Really ... hmm ... ok, then! The aluminum in your deodorant will give you crazy disease. Ha! My deodorant is aluminum-free! One step ahead of you, doc.

Ugh. John McCain. What a whiny little... Sorry, they're recapping the health care summit on CNN. Oh my gosh, how good is this season of LOST? I'm on a horse.

But, Dr. Gregor came with bad news: Potatoes are toxic. Crap! Good thing I like sweet potatoes ...

Coconut milk is as fatty as lard. So much for SoDelicious ice cream sandwiches.

Chlorella and spirulina can kill you ("Plants are good, but not plants that bite back.") Chlorella? You mean like the blue-green algae in the Naked juices? CRAP! That's my favorite drink.

Oh, well. Time to get a juicer. They were expensive, anyway.

And just like that, I've given up potatoes (don't know if I could do that if it weren't for sweet potatoes, which are really good for you, it turns out), raw mushrooms (they can also kill you), coconut milk (but not coconut water, which is virtually human plasma), and ...sigh... NAKED's Green Machine juice.

I'm gonna make sure I get my B12, and I'll start incorporating more flax seed into my diet.

And just like that, I'm toxin-free.

Don't you wish you had my discipline?

But just when as I begin to mold my trophy out of solid gold, my flash-sideways self asks me a question:

"How easily you've purged these toxins from your body, why not the toxins in your thoughts and in your heart?"

Cripes. Introspection is such a downer.

But sideways-Parker has a valid point, and one I intend to address in my own life. I think it starts with identifying the poison. Once you've observed it carefully under a microscope and determined what it is, you can begin formulating, and finally administering, the anti-venom. The tricky part is committing to the extermination, because often, and certainly in my case, we are in love with the parasite that's made its home in our hearts. If you don't want to get wet, you've got to commit to the leap when crossing the river.

Why do I suddenly feel like I'm delivering a sermon?

For me, in the emotional landscape, it's more about who is toxic than what, and that's where I've got to begin. I keep my physical body free of toxins because I respect it (you would too if you had this body ... you were supposed to laugh), and clearly I've favored it over my heart and over my mind. I remarked to Nicole a while back that I was happy to see the discipline I exercise in my diet and at work begin to bleed into other areas of my life, like finances, and now it's time to let that discipline, that respect and careful guardianship, seep into the place it matters most.

A simple click on Remove from Friends is a good place to start.

But it's not just avoiding the detrimental. As important as it is for me to keep potassium sorbate out of my bloodstream, it's just as important to keep it stocked with complex carbohydrates and anti-oxidants; I have to learn to invite in what nurtures me. My tendency has been to avoid anything getting in for fear that it could, at any point, turn on me. This is a childhood toy, and it's time to put it away.

A simple Send Message is a good place to start. Nah. F that. Make a phone call, you lazy bastard.